Side Seven: Bathroom Privacy

Although my life is child-free for the most part, I have had a recent run-in with my nephew that makes me glad my husband and I are barren. I was in the bathroom, pulling my pants back up when the door swung open. There was G, asking what I was doing, all innocent-faced and cute. I squealed, shoved him out of the doorway and slammed the door. My privacy, my precious privacy was violated.

As my Sister wiped G's eyes - he cried when I shoved him, more out of shock than hurt, I'm sure. I am not an ogre - she said that was nothing. Then she regaled me with tale after horrific tale of privacy lost.

It's oh so quiet. Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.com

The time G was doubled over laughing when he saw his father naked. Having a little person wave your poo good-bye for you. E's fascination with what my Sister is wiping. G laughing and saying "I see your bum crack" as she steps out of the shower. Having two little people calling for you while you're showering. Sister says the children even knock at the door when she's trying to do a bit of business in private. That would drive me nuts.

Bathroom time is sacred time to me. It's a place to do your thang all alone, with you and your thoughts and your scented soaps. I can shut the door to my bathroom and do what I need to do in peace. Being able to do your bathroom business without laughter, pointing or nagging is a very bright - and quiet - side of barrenness.

Side Four: Poop Has Its Place

When my niece and nephews visit, I often end up saying “I smell feces.” There is usually a child with a full diaper and me bolting from the room. I can change a diaper and will do so in a pinch, but I have no desire to volunteer to clean a poopy bum. Husband is even more averse to poop. Last summer, while visiting during a heat wave, he had to change G’s incredibly poopy bum. He said he almost puked on the child when he revealed a smelly poopy diaper in 40 degree heat.

My sister likes to share tales from the poop file. G didn’t make it to potty on time. E’s diaper was so full it smeared up her back. Someone pooped on the couch. There was poop in the car seat. The colour, the state, the smell – she shares it all. 

Where all little turds go to heaven. Photo courtesy of freedigitalphoto.com

In our home – our adult home – poop has its place. It stays securely in the toilet and is flushed cleanly away. Being barren means that our couches, our car, our bed, our floors, our walls, our hair, everything will remain clean, fresh and free of feces. THAT is a big upside of barren-ness.