Side Sixteen: Small Cars

Husband and I bought a new car a couple years back, in the heady days when we thought children were in our future. It's a small car - a 3-door hatchback - and it's perfect for us. But woo, did we catch some flak for buying the car we did.

At the time, we still had not decided to actively try for a family but we knew we were open to the idea of children. We shopped a bit, and ended up buying a Hyundai Accent after Husband's best friend gave us a glowing recommendation. As soon as our families heard what car we got, the comments came.

We were told that we should have gotten a mini-van. We should have done what they did and buy a tricked-out SUV. The car was called a buggy, and people wondered how we would fit all the kid things in a tiny car like that. Won't someone think of a car seat?

Not the Author's car, but it could be if she wanted. She has no kids to lug around. 

Fast forward a few months and that tricked-out SUV is a lemon, and children are still no where in our future. So while those who gave us all the "advice" are driving behemoths, Husband and I are zipping around town, in and out of parking spots, happy as larks that we did not cave into their ridiculous pressure and do what they did. Our backseat is delightfully empty, and the trunk has a snow brush in it. That is all.

Not having children means not having to drive big, clunky vehicles. Our little car is a breeze to fill up and maintain, and is reliable enough to get us back and forth across the country without ever once breaking down. Thank you all for your (never heeded) "advice".

Side Fifteen: Adult Food

Husband and I like spicy food. We eat a lot of curries, hot sauce and peppers, and we like trying new foods. And I am a lucky wife. Husband eats anything I serve him. There's no turned-up noses or piles of sprouts pushed to the side of plate.

I understand that children can be fussy eaters. When they are really young, you can feed them anything. Goodtimes used to have miso soup. G gorged himself on broccoli. But as they are getting older, the fussiness is setting in. Gone are the days - for now - of savoury and grown-up meals in my sister's house. They have settled into the days of grilled cheese sandwiches and fries.

On a shelf in my kitchen, there sits a row of cookbooks that I love to pour over and find new recipes. I am looking forward to to cracking open a new book about spices. Once, my sister was wondering what to make for dinner and I suggested Spicy Peanut Chicken. As soon as the word "spicy" left my lips, my sister shook her head, knowing that no one in her home would eat it. Sucks to be in the home with no Spicy Peanut Chicken.

Now pardon me while I go make a chipotle sauce for the fish.

Oh. Pardon me for my infertility.

I am infuriated by a new report out today about infertility. The report says infertility rates are on the rise, yet no research is done as to why those numbers are rising. That would have been helpful. But it is this paragraph that has my blood boiling: 

"Canada's pregnancy specialists have been sounding an alarm over the risks of deferred motherhood. The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada — which has just issued new guidelines to doctors on "advanced reproductive age" and fertility — worries that women are placing too much blind faith in high-tech fertility treatments to help them conceive once they're ready to have a baby."

So, in my 20’s, when I was at the height of my fecundity I should have had a child? Forget that I was an emotional wreck, unstable in my career, and in relationships with all the wrong men. Yes, I should have birthed the spawn of whatever douche I was with at the time so that now, at 36, I would not be facing infertility with my husband. Is that what these scientists are suggesting?

There may be some women out there who put off children, but then there are some of us who did not meet the right partner until we were well into our 30’s. It’s not that I wanted to focus on an education, a career, travelling, or anything else other than a child. I was not emotionally or financially prepared to have a child. If I had a baby at 26, I would have been a struggling single mother. Instead, I chose to wait until I found a good partner, and in that stable relationship have a child. I was 34 before Husband I decided to try for a family because by then, we were stable in our marriage and in our lives to have a child. Biology has played a cruel joke on Husband and me. 

The article then goes on with the scientists complaining that more health care money is spent on multiple or complicated births associated with fertility treatments. We infertile folk just can’t win!

Are they advocating that women have babies no matter what their situation is at the time when they’re most fertile? Wouldn’t they then bitch about having to support single mothers, poor children, and all the social problems that can come from unstable women having babies? Take your pick.

I’m not having a baby so I can live the life of Riley then pay thousands of dollars for fertility treatments. I’m not having a baby because Husband and I are physically unable to.